apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Congratulations! We have a period
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