So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
