i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
