If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
