i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
