if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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