I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am mentally ready for anal.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
