I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
