it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
