Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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