There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
