If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
