watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
