New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
