After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
