Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just tell him i said nine months
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
