Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
