and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
