thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
