What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
