Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
