Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
