He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
