i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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