to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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