Im at strip club and am horny
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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