we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
