Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
