is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize