how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
