I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
