I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are my feet made of real feet?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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