i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
