I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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