I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
