What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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