hotel room ftw
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
