I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
