I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
