I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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