My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
