I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
