the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
