We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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