Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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