My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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