I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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