shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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