Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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