you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
