The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
