He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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