You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
