You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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