just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
