my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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