She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
