Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
tell me about the fingering
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
