never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
