Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
