turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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