they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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