I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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