Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
