I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
