saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
