when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
