what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
