I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
